September 30, 202612 min readMost couples spend more time worrying about how to ask for gifts than deciding what they actually want. It's especially common for couples who already live together, where the traditional gift list route often doesn't quite fit. This is the decision that makes everything else easier. Here's how to make it.
There's no etiquette rule that says you must have a gift list, must ask for cash, or must say "no gifts please." All three routes are legitimate. All three have real trade-offs. The one that's right for you depends on where you are in your lives — not on what's traditional.
Here's what each one actually looks like.
What it is: A curated list of items — usually through a retailer or registry service — that guests can buy individually.
Works well when:
You're setting up your first home together and genuinely need things
Your guests prefer buying a physical item they can wrap
You have family members who won't engage with anything online
The honest trade-offs:
It takes time to build properly, and a half-finished list is worse than none
Hard to fill when you already share a home.
A half-empty list sends the wrong message.
Items go out of stock, arrive duplicated, or don't arrive at all
Once guests start buying, it's hard to change course
The thing most couples don't expect: A gift list creates admin — tracking deliveries, managing returns, writing thank you notes without knowing what's coming from whom. That's fine if the list reflects things you genuinely want. It's frustrating if you built it because you thought you were supposed to.
Where a Collection Pot Wishlist fits: If you like the idea of a traditional gift list but don't want to commit to the exact items now, a Wishlist gives guests the same sense of choice. Add the things you'd love them to fund, from new home bits to bigger purchases, and let each guest choose what feels right. Their contribution still comes to you as a cash gift, so you're not locked into buying that exact item later. If your plans or priorities change, you can change your mind.
What it is: A line on your invitation asking guests not to bring anything, usually phrased as "your presence is the only present we need." Sometimes called a wishing well in the UK — a decorated box on the day for cards and envelopes.
Works well when:
You genuinely don't want gifts and won't feel uncomfortable if some guests still bring them
Your guests are the type to respect the request straightforwardly
The honest trade-offs:
Most guests will ignore it — particularly older ones — and bring something anyway
It doesn't remove the decision from guests; it just makes it harder for them
"No gifts" often means envelopes on the day, random transfers to whatever account someone can find, and thank you notes for amounts you didn't expect
You lose the ability to direct that goodwill towards something useful
Some couples ask for charity donations instead — a lovely gesture, but guests still need a name, a link, and a reason to choose that charity over their own. It works best when there's a cause that genuinely means something to you both.
The thing most couples don't expect: Guests want to give something. "No gifts please" doesn't make that feeling go away — it just leaves people without guidance on how to act on it. The result is usually more awkward, not less.
What it is: Instead of a list of items or a generic cash request, you break down what you're saving for into named moments at a range of prices. Guests choose what they'd like to fund — a honeymoon experience, a house deposit contribution, an upgrade, a night in a hotel. It's sometimes called a cash fund or honeymoon fund, and it works especially well as a group wedding gift when guests chip in together towards something bigger.
Works well when:
You'd rather put money towards your honeymoon, home, or a shared experience than accumulate more things
Your guests are a mix — some who'll give £25, some who'll give £250 — and you want both to feel comfortable
You want the thank you notes to be easy to write
The honest trade-offs:
It requires a bit more thought upfront to name what the money is going towards
Some older guests may find it unfamiliar — though less so than most couples expect
A generic "honeymoon fund" works, but specific moments work better
The thing most couples don't expect: A honeymoon fund works beautifully on its own — but adding named moments to it changes how guests feel about giving. "A wine tasting in the prosecco hills of Northern Italy" gives people something to picture. Something to feel excited about funding. The more specific you can be, the more it feels like a gift rather than a transfer.
Choose a traditional list if there are things you genuinely need and your guests are likely to buy them.
Choose no gifts if you mean it, and you're comfortable with guests improvising.
Choose contributions if you'd rather the money went towards something meaningful — a honeymoon, a home, an experience — and you want guests to feel like they're giving to something real.
Most couples who've lived together before getting married find the third route fits them best — not because it's trendier, but because the first route requires things they already own and the second option doesn't really work.
The most common mistake is asking for "cash" or a "honeymoon fund" without telling guests what the cash is actually for. The ask doesn't feel cold because it's cash — it feels cold because it's vague. Naming what the money goes towards changes everything.
The simplest version is just a Pot — one link, guests chip in, money comes to you. Simple, and it works.
If you want to take it further, you can give guests something specific to contribute towards: a flight, a dinner, a hotel night, an experience you've been dreaming about. It's optional, but it tends to change how giving feels — for them and for you.
A Honeymoon Pot lets you do either. Set it up simply, or add a wishlist when you're ready. Free to create, guests don't need an account to chip in.
Is it rude to ask for money instead of wedding gifts?
No — and most guests will be relieved you did. The awkwardness usually comes from vagueness, not from the ask itself. Telling guests what the money is for — a honeymoon, a new home, a specific experience — makes it feel like a real gift rather than a cash handover.
What do you say instead of "no gifts please"?
If you'd like contributions rather than physical gifts, a simple line on your invite or wedding website is enough: "We'd love help towards our honeymoon if you'd like to give a gift — details at [link]." Straightforward is better than a poem that dances around it.
What's a wishing well at a wedding?
A wishing well is a decorated box at the reception where guests leave cards and cash envelopes. It's a traditional UK alternative to a gift list — but it makes tracking contributions and writing personal thank you notes much harder than a digital fund.
Can guests give different amounts to a honeymoon fund?
Yes — and that's part of what makes it work. A good contributions list has items at a range of prices, so a guest giving £20 and a guest giving £200 can both find something that feels right. Nobody needs to be told what to give.
What's the difference between a honeymoon fund and a cash registry?
They're essentially the same thing — a digital pot guests contribute to online. A honeymoon fund is usually focused on the trip specifically, while a cash registry or cash fund can cover anything: a home deposit, a shared experience, or just cash towards whatever comes next.
A Honeymoon Pot is free to create, and guests don't need an account to chip in — just a link. You can keep it simple or add a wishlist of moments at different price points so guests can choose what they'd like to fund.
Related reading:
Is it rude to ask for cash at a wedding?
Jasmine Stone is a marketing manager with nearly ten years’ experience in digital fundraising and tech, creating campaigns that feel human rather than transactional. At Collection Pot, she focuses on content that makes group gifting easier and more joyful. When she is off duty, you will usually find her with her nose in a good book or exploring a new city.
